What did you imagine coaching would be like before you started?
Fantasy vs. Reality. Some of us thought when we were getting into coaching that the players would respond just like they do in video games; hit a 
button and they’ll immediately do what you told them to do. Others of us imagine ourselves as military-style drill sergeants who force our players into military precision with no input, complaints, or comments allowed from the players. However, we all quickly realize this is not the case. We are not video game programmers or drill sergeants; we are coaches.
In an 2011 article, Sophia Jowett and John Nezlek examined the relationship between coaches and players (interdependence), and its effect on performance and satisfaction. They found that the higher the level of competition the greater the importance of interdependence became to both the players and the coaches. This would seem to be common sense. At the lower level all the players want from the coach for is uniforms before the season, orange slices at halftime, and trophies after the season! As the level of competition rises so do the stakes- coaching and playing can become a full-time job dependent on level of performance.
Jowett & Nezlek used Jowett’s 3C model to explain this coach-athlete relationship: closeness, commitment, and complementarity.
- Closeness can include “mutual trust, respect, appreciation, and interpersonal attraction”
- Commitment can include “how motivated partners are to maintaining their relationship over time”
- Complementarity can include co-operative “responsiveness and readiness” (Jowett & Nezlek, 2011, p. 289).
So why should a coach care about taking he time to build stronger relationships (interdependence) with their players?
Here are two examples from the article:
-
“Greater interdependence was associated with more satisfaction for both coaches and athletes” (p. 296).
-
“Coaches and athletes may have to establish interdependence to act as a buffer against actual or potential stress, particularly in high-level competition” (p. 296).
If your not convinced by research, how about listening to a real coach?
- Buzz Peterson played college basketball for Dean Smith, who retired as the all-time winningest coach in NCAA Division I history, was roommates with Michael Jordan, who is widely considered the best basketball player ever, and coached alongside Pat Summitt, who retired as the winningest college basketball coach ever. I asked him in a podcast interview about what he had learned from them and he specifically mentioned how Coach Summitt urged him to find time to build relationships with his players. You can listen to the full podcast by clicking here.
How can you build stronger relationships?
- TRUST
The cornerstone of any relationship (coach-athlete, marriage, employer-employee, etc.) is trust. It is crucial that you intentionally try to build and keep trust. My college coach used a great visual example of this concept. He would hold a piece of paper and tear off a small piece. The sheet of paper represented his trust in you. The piece of paper that was torn off represented trust that was lost. Simple illustration. Bold point. I later would tell my teams that that little piece that was torn off can be reattached with tape, or glue, or a staple, but it is very hard to get it back to where it was.
- LOVE
I hope I don’t lose you here- stick with me! We are not talking about romantic love here, but deep caring for the other person’s feelings, goals, and perspective. You’ve probably heard the old saying, “They don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” That is so true, so make the effort to show your players that you care for them!
- COMMUNICATION
If you don’t communicate, you don’t have a relationship. Can you have a friend you have never communicated with? Or maybe you do have a friend that you don’t communicate with much anymore. What happens to the relationship when the communication goes away? Communication helps relationships grow stronger and interdependence build. Go out of your way to communicate with your players in multiple ways. Face to face talks are always the best, but a text message, direct message, email, phone call, or other method may also be useful depending on the age pf the player and situation.
That’s what I think. What do you think? Let me know with a comment, tweet, or email.
Coach ‘em up!
About the Author: After coaching and working with various teams at the college, high school, and youth level in a variety of roles for 18 years, I have returned to finish my Ph.D. in Kinesiology & Sport Studies. I have also been involved in athletics as a player, coach, administrator, official, and parent.
PS- If your interested in the full article here is the full reference: